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Can I Turn A Hookup Into A Serious Relationship?

Many people are having more casual hookups than they're going on dates, and will often begin to wonder how to turn a hookup into a serious relationship. If this is something that you've been wondering lately, you're in luck, because it's a lot easier than the hookup world wants you to think.

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The key, which you've probably realized helps make hookups much more enjoyable, is communication. If your hookups have established lines of communication, where there aren't any topics that are seen as embarrassing, or off limits, then you're on the right path.

If you find yourself potentially falling for a hookup, slow things down a bit. Without being too obvious, start asking a few more questions, or flirting a bit more. In situations where your arrangement is perhaps not incredibly friendly or personal, try to insert some of your personality into things that you do or say. Break the ice with a joke that might surprise them, but that they'll also find funny.

If your hookup is meant to transform into a real relationship, your partner will begin to feel more comfortable being more themselves, and letting more of their personality shine through. If you feel the difference in your hookups, and they're improved, and better than they've ever been before, you just need to work up the nerve to broach the subject, and let them know that you're crushing on them, and want to explore the possibility of seeing each other in a more romantic way.

If you're so used to casual hookups, and the thought of being in a real relationship scares you or your hookup partner, we're going to look at some ways to reduce those fears, and increase your odds of getting together as a couple.

Connections

Before you go any further with this attempt to turn your hookup into your boyfriend or girlfriend, you need to make sure that there's actually a real connection there. Is there electricity when you touch each other? How about when you look in each others' eyes? Is there more than an animalistic desire to attack each other? If you think there is, then it's worth the shot!

Hookup culture is interesting in that it doesn't rely on vibes and connections as much as a typical dating culture does. Because there's only one goal in mind, which is having sex, there isn't any real reason to get a sense of someone's personality. You don't need to put as much effort into your flirting, because if you hook up, it's going to be because you're both looking good, and want to have sex with each other.

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If maybe casual hookups aren't your thing as much as the person you're hooking up with, you're bound to look into their eyes, and try to get a read on them. There's a high likelihood that your hookup will be closed off, and tough to read, but if they aren't, and you're able to penetrate through their first defenses, and you like what you see, you should keep seeing if you can get a bit more information out of them. If they're letting their guard down, it's because they feel something in the looks that you're giving them, and the things that you're saying to them.

How to Get Over a Fear of Commitment

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One of the most common traits found in people who prefer a sex life full of casual hookups over dates and exclusive relationships, is a fear of commitment. If you find yourself falling for someone that you hooked up with, how does it make you feel? You probably have butterflies in your stomach when you're around them, and you might find that your fear of commitment that's typically present in your hookups, has vanished. If things just feel right, and like the two of you click, you've perhaps discovered that what you thought was a fear of commitment, was really only that you were hooking up with people who weren't people that you felt you could trust.

If your partner isn't quite as sold on the concept, and their fear of commitment or trust issues are a little bit stronger than yours, you should take a step back, and let them know that you aren't going to pressure them into doing anything that they don't want to do. Let them know that you hope that they know they can trust you though and that whatever past experiences they might have experienced to turn them off of being in a committed relationship, are things that you have no interest in pushing upon them. That you just wanted to let them know how you were feeling, and to find out if they were feeling it too. Keep the pressure low. People with commitment issues often try to place the blame on other people, when they feel overwhelmed.

Dating

If you and your hookup begin to try doing more date-like activities mixed in with your hookups, you'll get a better feeling for whether or not your feelings are real, and can become something more.

If both of you have been satisfying your sexual needs primarily through casual hookups, your dating skills may be a touch rusty. If they are, don't sweat it. Dates are usually awkward for the best of us, and truly, if a date isn't awkward at all, there's probably something off. Connections take time to create, and if someone comes to a date with their A game, and don't stumble over any of their words, or hesitate to make the first move when it comes time to go in for the kiss, it can all feel very rehearsed.

As much as you're trying to turn a hookup into a real relationship, you've also dodged a lot of awkward nights by choosing the hookup lifestyle over the dating life.

If either of you end up being triggered by something, and find yourselves feeling incredibly uncomfortable, and eager to bolt, you need to remind each other that there's zero expectations going into the date. You're just trying something out.

The 'F' Word

Probably the most difficult part about maintaining a healthy romantic relationship is dealing with your partner's feelings, as well as your own. If you've been hooking up, and the sex has been great, but lacking emotional content, you might have a bit of a steep learning curve ahead of you. It's one thing to have casual hookups, and know that your crummy day really isn't your partner's concern, but once you open things up into a potential dating situation, those bad days and moods become something that you share with each other.

Sharing feelings with each other is going to change your dynamic in a big big way, so be ready for it. If one of you is more afraid of commitment than the other, you might have a charged reaction or two when a challenging situation presents itself. Try to make sure that you both are aware of the ways that sharing your feelings with each other feels good though.

Things that you would previously have to have told your friends (who will probably be thrilled to no longer be the only shoulder you can cry on), can now be shared with your partner. This open and uncensored conversation opens up your abilities to better understand what each other are going through on any given day, and probably better understand all of the sex that you had before you started trying out this relationship stuff. Hookups can be a lot of fun, but when you feel yourself needing to feel like more than just 1/2 of a sexing, you need to listen to your brain and your feelings, and find what they're telling they they need, so that they work to their best ability.

Not All Hookups Can Be Serious Relationships

We've given you a lot of hop here, and we want you to remain positive, but we want to make sure that you remember that not every attempt to create a serious relationship out of a hook up is going to work. Sometimes the connection between you isn't as electric as you might have thought. Perhaps your hookup's reasons for forgoing serious relationships just aren't negotiable. If you find yourself meeting that type of emotional brick wall, it's better to back away, rather than try to smash through it. What works for Miley Cyrus, doesn't typically work for the rest of us.

A lot of people often turn to the hookup lifestyle after a failed relationship. If you've found yourself in that position, but now are feeling as though you want more than that; that you want to have romance in your life. To settle down, and have a serious relationship with someone. If on your first attempt to get back on the horse, it doesn't work out, you shouldn't be so discouraged that you go back to the hookup lifestyle, which is great for a lot of people but that doesn't seem to be working out for you anymore. You have emotional needs that need to be taken care of, but that aren't being addressed by your hookup partners.

Old Habits Die Hard/These Things Take Time

If one or both people in a relationship have more sexual experience through random hookups rather than more traditional romantic relationships (ie: dating), a big thing to remember is that it takes a long time to break habits that come as second nature to you. So if there are moments during sex where your partner isn't as zoned in as you'd like them to be, and you feel like you could be any other person in the world, and they wouldn't notice a difference, don't bring it up during intercourse, but definitely mention it afterwards. Let them know that you know that they're used to shutting their feelings out of sex, but that you want them to be more present. It might take a long time, but if it's meant to be, and the energy is there, you'll eventually get to a point where the days of being a hookup will be long forgotten.

Everyone has their own emotional baggage that they carry around with them from hookup to hookup, and from relationship to relationship. Most times we try to hide our pasts and the way that they've affected us, but there's only so long that you can spend time with someone before you know whether or not you're going to open up to them, or if you're going to move on. Some of the best relationships that we've been in have been tough going at the start, but once we got comfortable, and became trusting each other both emotionally, and sexually, things became much, much easier.

The Big Takeaway

Whether or not you're able to convince your hookup to date you, what you should be taking away from this desire, is that you're probably best suited to be finding your partners through the traditional dating channels. People who have casual hookups as a substitute to dating, rather than as a supplement, typically do so because they're emotionally unavailable. They're afraid of being hurt, so they keep their intimate encounters as detached as they can.

If you find yourself bouncing back and forth between the two scenes (hookup and dating), that's great, but it tells us that you're looking for love, or at least some sort of meaningful relationship with a person who can look you in the eyes during sex, and be present enough in the moment, to smile at you when you smile at them. You're looking for a partner, not a sex doll.

Our EZHookups Experts Have The Hookup Advice You Need

Did we teach you a thing or two? If you still haven't learned your lesson, then why not take a peek at our other fabulous advice guides NOW RIGHT HERE!

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Can I Turn A Hookup Into A Serious Relationship? - EZHookups.com

Many people are having more casual hookups than they're going on dates, and will often begin to wonder how to turn a hookup into a serious relationship.

Can I Turn A Hookup Into A Serious Relationship? - EZHookups.com