Human relationships are complicated, and perhaps the most complicated of relationships around are sexual ones. Partially because they come in so many different shapes, but also because they often involve a level of intimacy that we don't find elsewhere in our lives. So it should come as no surprise when some people find that casual hookups aren't for them. It could be because they connect sex with emotions. Do you find yourself wanting more from your hookups, and can't seem to put your finger on why? Maybe you need to ask yourself if casual hookups are for you.

Feelings are one of the most difficult things to navigate in the world of hookups. We often find ourselves not feeling like we're receiving the same amount of emotional effort from our hook up partner as we're giving to them. Sure, they're giving it their all physically, and maybe the sex is even great, but if you find your partner avoiding eye contact for example, and you it makes you feel bad, you have the right to discuss it with them. If their response is that they're not there to deal with your hangups, and that maybe you have the wrong idea of what kind of an arrangement the two of you have... Maybe you do.



Figuring out if casual hookups are for you is sometime a difficult thing to figure out, but one thing that we suggest in your journey to find out, is that whenever something doesn't feel right, or your partner makes you feel bad for wanting something from them sexually (or even emotionally), you should put an end to that hook up. You might still be okay with casual hookups, but that hookup in particular is not for you. Move onto the next one.

 Most people who find that they aren't cut out for casual hookups, discover it by taking note of how they feel when they're not hooking up.

If you find yourself spending a lot of time thinking about your hookups, and imagining romantic scenarios with them that aren't exclusively sexual, and aren't in line with what the expectations of a casual hookup are, you might not be cut out for casual hookups.

Some people who want to be in a committed relationship, are completely fine with having casual hookups while they wait to meet the person that they're going to be in a relationship with. Others aren't, and often find themselves feeling unhappy, or empty during and after a hook up. If you feel that way more often than not, you probably are better off sticking to dating, and having fewer one night stands.



Let's take a closer look at some of the signs that would suggest that you are or aren't made for casual hookups.

A lot of people frown upon casual hookups for one reason or another. Some people, because they were raised with a somewhat prudish code of morals, and the idea that people are put on the planet to be with one person for their entire lives. Others, because they've had bad experiences hooking up, and perhaps have been judged by others because of it, so they want to make sure that others don't get judged or hurt the same way that they were.

 We need to strongly suggest that if it feels good, do it. Slut shaming is such a big part of our society these days, and it's really a shame, because it's keeping a lot of men and women from living their best sex and dating lives, for fear of what others might think of them.



A lot of people will say that casual hookups aren't for them, without even trying it. They just don't want to get the reputation of being someone who can't figure out what or who they want. Everyone wants something different though, and they might be depriving themselves of the type of sex life that would make them happiest.

One of the biggest warning signs that you might not be meant for casual hookups, is if even when you're hooking up, you still feel alone. A lot of people use sex as a way to fill a hole in their lives that they can't quite figure out. The release that comes with sex, allows them to forget about their troubles for a while, and to feel connected to someone for the time they're together. Sometimes people who are lonely will find themselves having casual sex, even if they don't really want to, because they think that it's better than the alternative (which is not having sex).

If you find yourself hooking up with people, and not feeling good about it, during intercourse, or sometimes immediately after it's done, it's probably because you're looking for more emotional content, and you'd be much happier if you were having sex with someone that you were in a relationship with.

If you find yourself perhaps beginning to have crush-like feelings for your hook up when they're not around, that's another potential sign that casual hookups aren't for you. Of course that doesn't mean that your feelings are unfounded. There's always the possibility that your hook up partner has also felt a connection with you, and is open to the idea of turning your relationship into a dating one. It should be discussed sooner rather than later though, because if it's a one-sided feeling, you don't want it to grow to a point where you're going to be heartbroken when you're let down as gently as possible. You might even find yourself lying to yourself and your hookup, and saying that you're fine to continue your casual hook ups, because even if they don't like you as much as you like them, they'll still be in your life, and it'll still be close to like dating them.

That's potentially very harmful behavior. You'll be spending time longing for someone who doesn't return your feelings, while also continuing to have a sexual relationship with them that doesn't make you feel good. This time would be much better used looking for someone who does want to date you!

One of the main reasons that people find themselves in casual hookup arrangements is that dating is hard. It can be extremely time consuming, expensive, and emotionally taxing. For some people who're too busy with their careers, or perhaps something else that takes up a lot of their free time, they can see casual hook ups as a great way to remain sexually active, blow off a little steam here and there, and keep themselves in practice for when they find themselves with a bit more time to dedicate to finding that special someone. Others find casual hook ups easier than relationships because there isn't any need to worry abut having your heart crushed at the end of a multi-year relationship. Some have given up on love completely, while others haven't, but find the convenience of hooking up with a sex buddy a couple times a week, a much better fit for their lifestyle and schedule.

If you're a very busy person, but know that you want to be in a romantic relationship, you're going to have to find time for dating somewhere in your schedule. That may mean scheduling some coffee dates near where you work, so you can go and meet someone for a half hour on your way home from work, and cross your fingers that one of your coffee dates will end up being someone that you're interested in going out with for a longer amount of time. Alternately, you can just put your dating life on hold for a little while.

If your financial situation doesn't allow you to date as much as you'd like, you can always try to date creatively. There are surely some art galleries in your city that don't have an entrance fee. Challenge your date to think of something fun to do that doesn't cost any money. It's a great way to see how creative they are, as well as find out if they're any good at entertaining themselves (and you) without being able to lean on the crutch of money. Anyone can take a girl to a fancy restaurant. Ask for more from your potential partners.

If you're coming off of a breakup, and aren't sure if you're ready to date, but know that casual hookups aren't for you, maybe you should spend a month or so spending more time with your friends, rather than going out on dates. You'll find yourself in a better mood in no time, and be ready to get back out into the dating scene to find love. It's fine to use casual hookups to get over a bad breakup, but if you find yourself still being really sad about it, it's likely that it's not the best coping mechanism for you.

A reason that a lot of relationships end is that one party feels like their partner isn't putting in as much work as they are to make it work. Even though casual hookups don't typically involve emotions, there are still needs that need to be met, and work that needs to be done.

The main purpose of most hook up arrangements is for a couple people to get together and satisfy each other sexually, without all of the excess baggage and time requirements that come with a romantic relationship. You probably know that. We know. The reason we're driving the point home is that sometimes casual hookups can become just as lazy as a committed relationship can. We all have bad days, and if they happen to be on the same day you have your weekly hook up, you need to do your best to make sure that it doesn't have an adverse effect on your sexual performance, OR you could alternately see if you can reschedule for another day. The lack of drama is key for most casual hookups, and if you're bringing bad vibes to the bedroom, it's going to be noticed, and create tension that you're in this sort of arrangement to avoid in the first place.

Alternately, if the sex starts to become routine, and not as hot as it was when you first started hooking up, you might want to think about finding a new fuck buddy. Once hookups get stale, there isn't much point to continuing them.

Consider your age, and as much as it's not fun to think about aging, and how many people your own age (or whatever is age appropriate for you) in your circle of friends are single, or in a committed relationship. Do you enjoy being single, and only having casual hook ups and one night stands instead of being in a committed relationship with someone? If you are, that's great, and you're probably fine continuing down that path. It's worth considering whether or not you ever find yourself jealous of your coupled friends though, and wishing that you have what they have. Do you want to have kids? Do you want to own a house? Can you envision yourself affording to do either or both on your own in five to ten years?

The world is created for couples. It really is. As much as we enjoy the freedom of being single, and doing what we want, when we want, it's also undeniably more expensive. Renting a one bedroom apartment as a single person... Not as affordable as renting even a two bedroom apartment as a couple. The money that couples can save, make things like going away on trips more affordable. Unless you're making good money, you're more likely to find yourself at home, texting with someone you're maybe going to have sex with, because your BFF is on a three week tour of Asia with their boyfriend.

This is all to say that your emotional acceptance of casual hookups isn't the only thing to consider when figuring out if casual hookups are for you. You need to also think about where you want to be relationship and lifestyle-wise in a handful of years, and whether or not not dating is going to keep you from being able to achieve all that you want.

There definitely isn't a specific type of person who prefers casual hookups to the dating life, but it is a good idea to dip your toe into both "dating pools", to see which one of them has more people that you tend to be drawn to. If you have a couple fantastic dates with someone, but end up ghosting them because you can't find the time to fit them into your life, and then hook up with a couple people who are fine, but didn't get you nearly as excited as the person you went on those great dates with, you might be swimming in the wrong pool. Schedule-wise and emotionally, it might feel like the right thing to be doing, but you might be letting the person you're meant to be with, get together with someone else just because you're too busy.

You could be a person who's comfortable bouncing back and forth between dating, and casual hookups based on your schedule, or just the quality of singles that you find online at any given time. If you're enjoying doing both, you're one of the lucky ones. It's rare for someone to not be drawn to one style of sex life, and to stick to it for extended periods of time.

The thread that's run through all of this is that the most important part of knowing whether or not you're best suited for romantic dating or casual hookups, is trying different things. Experimentation is how we expand our horizons, and how we discover what we do and don't like. Think of different types of sex and relationships like food. You'll never know if you like it, unless you try it. Surely your mother told you that multiple times growing up. Partly it was because you were being a nuisance, and she wanted you to eat your vegetables, but it was also in order to create a sense of curiosity in you. Our childhood curiosity, and whether or not we're fearless in our youth, play big parts in how we navigate our romantic or sexual relationships later in life.

Continually check in with how you're feeling as you explore the dating and hookup scenes. Trust your instincts, and let them be your guide. If you're having fun hooking up with new people on the regular, then keep it up! If you find yourself missing the daily text messages and cuddling on the couch of dating, then try switching gears and go on some dates.

Good luck out there, and remember that we're all in the same boat.

Did we teach you a thing or two? If you still haven't learned your lesson, then why not take a peek at our other fabulous advice guides NOW RIGHT HERE!

Ever wondered how to turn a casual hookup into a relationship? Find out now by reading our article HERE!!