Recent studies show that more straight people are having same-sex hookups, instead of affairs with members of the opposite sex. We wanted to find out why.

Of course because of how many men and women are out having these same-sex hookups, there are lots of different, but all fascinating reasons for the increase in these sexuality-questioning hookups.



For men, the largest reason seems to be for the flexibility of having sex with a man. They like that they can one moment be in charge, and then the next, be the one who's being controlled by the other man. That manhandling is something that they feel they're missing in their relationships with their wives and girlfriends.



For women, the biggest reason seems to be for a feeling of safety. So many men have harmed them in their lives, and in their relationships, that to be able to feel at ease, and in sync with a female lover, makes them feel less tense than they would feel if they were to have an affair with another man.

 This was a new phenomenon to us, and we were very interested in taking a closer look.

The most cited reason for these same sex hookups was that they provided a level of control that their heterosexual relationships don't provide them.

Of course it's common knowledge that men have the capacity to be truly awful, and more often than not, the target or recipient of that bad behavior is women. It's a horrific thing, and straight women are beginning to find some peace away from their sometimes abusive relationships, by hooking up with other women. With other women, they feel safe, and like they don't have to worry about their boyfriends, fiancés, and husbands getting frustrated with them because they had a bad day at work, and aren't able to yell at their boss.

The women also feel like that being with a woman removes most of the triggers connected to any incidents of sexual or physical assault at the hands of men. Because the sex is completely different, there's never any moment when they're reminded of past trauma.

For most men, they said that they enjoy having sex with men because it offers them a chance to both be in control in a more forceful way than they're able to be with their wives, and on the flip side, their partner can dominate them, which is a relief to them because it removes their constant feeling that they need to be super-masculine; which is an experience that their wives and girlfriends can't give them.

Even though these hookups are clearly homosexual experiences, surprisingly (or perhaps not), most of the straight people having these affairs don't identify as gay or bisexual. They still identify as straight, and justify it by suggesting that these experiences don't mean anything to them emotionally, so therefore shouldn't count towards identifying their sexuality.

It's interesting that there are gay people taking part in these hookups, mostly it seems for the thrill of having sex with a straight person. Some find their refusal to call themselves bisexual amusing, while others feel like it's a cop out, and an abuse of their straight privilege. They can go home to their straight partnerships without anything to worry about while the gay men and women go on with their lives, frequently encountering homophobia; unable to hide their sexuality like these straight people are.

There are a lot of people who have perhaps been raised households where homosexuality was frowned upon, and in some cases even hated. Growing up in these environments, there's certain to be a percentage of people who have lived their lives as straight people, but who as they grow older, and homosexuality becomes more accepted by society, are perhaps realizing that they've repressed elements of their sexuality. These straight identifying people are again using their straight privilege to act as tourists within LGBTQ communities.

While it's great that these people are finally feeling free enough to try same-sex hookups like they've probably wanted to since they were teenagers, it's still made problematic when they go straight from their hookup, back to their fully embraced existence. It would be much better if these people were spending time within the LGBTQ communities, whether it be at their local gay bar, or even just picking up some books to read from their independent gay bookstore. Engaging with the communities that they're essentially using to fulfil their repressed fantasies, but aren't supporting in any other way, would go a long way towards making the LGBTQ community feel better about these hookups.

There are also many LGBTQ folk who take pride in having sex with a supposedly straight person. Part of the enjoyment comes from the fact that they're able to "turn a straight person gay". Though not everyone participating in these same sex hookups are as tickled by the novelty of it. They're instead sometimes interested in having real relationships with their tourist partners, and are saddened by the fact that they know they can't really convert them to being gay 24/7.


The drunk straight woman who loves to kiss her friends (especially her lesbian ones) has been a type that most of us can recognize in our circles of friends. It's another uncomfortable expression of straight priviledge, even though back in the day, it didn't necessarily have a name yet. When social media sites like MySpace, Facebook, and Instagram hit the scene if there were pictures taken at a college party, it was almost a sure bet that there's be at least a couple picutures of straight women making out for their friend's camera.

In recent years (again, as homosexuality becomes more socially acceptable), there has been an increase in straight men who're willing to partake in homosexual behavior after having a few drinks.

One of the most popular identifiers of men is perhaps that they're pigs, and only interested in one thing. With these new trends taking place, it could perhaps be applied to the fact that these men are out in bars and clubs, and once they get drunk enough, they don't even care if they're having sex with a woman anymore. They just want to fuck, and if the easiest person to sleep with is another man, they'll jump at the chance. Of course again, when they've finished having sex, they go back to their straight life, with wife, big house, white picket fence, a baby (with another on the way), and a small dog named Edward.

There's also an unpleasant side of this recent trend, where straight men (probably repressed homosexuals) are hooking up with gay men, and taking the opportunity to get rougher than they're able to be with their wife or girlfriend. It feeds on a toxic masculinity that doesn't belong in the LGBTQ community, and has caused so much damage to the lives of gay men. It's combining an internalized hatred of gays, with a repressed fantasy fulfilment. Thankfully these types of sexual encounters between straight identifying men and gay men aren't the majority, but that they're happening at all is extremely troubling.

Threesomes have been around for decades, and straight couples would invite a third woman into their bedroom. The third partner was typically a woman because the man was the one whose desires were prioritized, and the idea of accidentally touching another man during sex was something that threatened most men. They just also didn't want to share their girlfriend or wife with another man (who might be a better lover than them).

A Male, Male, Female threesomes have started to become far more common in recent years though. Partially it's because of the empowerment of women, but also because men are becoming more open to experimenting with other men. The rise of cuckolding also plays a part in the current popularity in MMF threesomes. The power dynamics at play are very similar to those at play, where a straight man is allowed to not be a hypermasculine man, and can instead be subservient to both his wife, as well as the man who's cuckolding him.

These MMFs are in many cases sparking an interest in sex with other men in husbands, which the wive are typically loving.

There's also a fad right now where straight women who are in unhappy straight relationships (or at least they're not being satisfied sexually), seek out lesbian lovers in order to receive the pleasure that they deserve, but their husbands or boyfriends aren't delivering.

Some women are even hooking up with their fellow straight friends, who find themselves in equally unsatisfying relationships. By experimenting with their friends, they're able to keep things hush hush, while also improving their quality of life.



Coming Out Later In Life



Though it's not entirely the same thing because many of the men and women who come out of the closet later in life claim that they've been queer their whole lives, but either because they found love in a heterosexual relationship, or because coming out as gay wasn't something they could do for various reasons. Some of them couldn't come out as gay because of their religious upbringing, fear that their parents would disown them, or out of fear of the homophobia that ran rampant in the world, and they felt threatened their lives.

We find these stories of people who are finally able to come out of the closet in their advanced age, beautiful and inspiring. Though their decisions to keep their sexuality silent until the world caught up (at least a little bit) wasn't their choice, seeing them now have the power to share with the world, their true selves, is a beautiful thing.

Perhaps some of the more questionable straight/same-sex hookups that are happening right now will eventually not need to be done in secret, and the straight identifying men and women that are taking part in them can simply accept their sexuality, and will proudly identify as gay, lesbian, or bisexual.

One of the things that needs to be addressed as more straight identifying men are coming into the LGBTQ community to hook up, is how their presence changes safe spaces, and what alternatives are being offered for those who have experienced a homophobic attacks at the hands of straight men (sometimes even under the guise of being a fellow gay man, there too hook up). It's a challenging situation, that the LGBTQ community will surely handle as they see appropriate.

With the lines of sexual orientation being blurred so frequently, one has to wonder how much longer sexual orientation will even be a thing. Gender identity is becoming a huge topic of conversation, and many parents are allowing their children to choose their own gender once they're old enough to understand it.

As we're potentially looking at many people phasing gender out of their lives, what then becomes of our standard definitions of sexuality? What sexuality is a non-binary person who is attracted to women? Or a man who identifies as straight, but in addition to sex with his wife, frequently visits the gay district to have sex with other men.

Perhaps one day we'll find ourselves without boring and restrictive labels for our genders and sexuality, but until then, there's a lot of complicated crossovers happening, that we might only get figured out in time for identifying sexuality to become a thing of the past.

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