Mutual attraction aside, conversation (or lack thereof) can often be the pitfall of a first date. One thing that typically comes up is the subject of past relationships, and, to be fair, it's perfectly normal to wonder: should you bring up exes on the first date?

We get it, you want to get the baggage out of the way and let the other person know what you've been through and what you're expectations are going forward. But there's a way to go about it that won't have them running for the hills, trust us! Let's just say, this is a somewhat tricky situation that should be dealt with delicately.

That's why we at EZHookups thought we'd break it down for you in a way that makes sense. First laying out why you probably shouldn't, and then explaining how you can get the answers to the questions you need, WITHOUT having to explicitly bring up your exes.

And a first date isn't it! When it comes to bringing up your exes that is. At best, it's oversharing (and, quite frankly, boring to the listener) and at worst, it makes you come across like you just can't let go. We should also interject here and say that dating aside, whether you're in a relationship or not, constantly bringing up your ex is annoying AF. No, really. We weren't in the relationship with you, so why should we care? Even if it's just to illustrate a point, point out how something they said or did reminds you of a certain situation, or whatever else the case may be - most of the time, it's best to save that for your therapist (or at least a really good, really patient friend). As a general rule, if they didn't specifically ask, people just don't care. So, keep that in mind, ESPECIALLY on a first date.

That being said, there's a case to be made for learning from your past experiences and using that knowledge to grow, set boundaries and set expectations. We understand that most of the time, bringing up an ex on the first date is simply an attempt at gauging whether or not you're in for, to say it plainly, the same old shit. But there's a way to do it that takes the ex out of the equation and focuses on the experience (see what we did there?). If you aren't as narcissistic as you're sure to come across if you insist on talking about your exes to someone whose sole purpose is to get to know you, there's a way to get the answers to the questions you're looking for by simply framing what you're saying in a different way.

In short, if you're wondering if it's ever appropriate to bring up an ex on the first date, our answer is invariably - NO. And here are a few reasons why...

One of the main arguments for why it's not a good idea to bring up your exes on the first date is that the other person is there to learn about you. And no, that doesn't include a scenic jaunt down memory lane, past old relationships, old family feuds, and childhood traumas. Think of the first date like your average job interview: you've shown up with your resume, which is, ostensibly, showing off the simplified, best version of yourself. No mention of that one time you pissed your co-worker off or accidentally said the wrong thing at a staff meeting - even when you've been fired from a job you find a way to spin it (or omit it all together).

Of course, we're not saying to hide important truths about yourself, simply that first impressions matter and if you're hoping for this date to, one day, become a full-blown relationship, baby steps (careful ones) have to be taken. So, rather than seeming like a self-centered person who loves to talk about themselves, whether it's the good, the bad, or the ugly, keep it cute, simple, and remember to ask your date about themselves, too!

Consider this: things clearly didn't work out with your ex (hence the term "ex"). So talking about them too much puts you at risk as coming across as someone who is still hurt (and is still trying to talk through the pain). That puts your date in an awkward situation - how do they know if you have any interest in moving on? Even if you only have positive things to say in relation to your ex, we'd argue that that may even be worse. After all, nothing is worse then when you have a crush on someone, think you may have a chance at dating them, only to hear them say, "I'd still be with so-and-so if it weren't for [insert reason that was out of both of our control and forced us to separate but ultimately had nothing to do with our incompatibility as a couple here]". Basically, even if that's not what you're saying, it's almost implied. To summarize: if you bring up your ex and only have negative things to say, you risk your date thinking you still have some hurt and baggage to get over (and no one wants to deal with that in a new relationship); if you talk about your ex and only have positive things to say about them, you risk your date wondering if you still miss them (and would drop them on a dime if it meant you could date them again should they come back into your life). Either way, no bueno.

One thing to see in mind is not just the subject itself, but the tone with which you speak of it. We mentioned above how talking about your ex, whether positive or negative, on a first date could come across to your date. One thing we need to stress is, everything you're saying is being processed by a person who - for all intents and purposes - doesn't know you or your back story, and based on their own experiences, may very well send up red flags. Have you ever heard, "If someone refers to all of their exes as "crazy", run for the hills?". Yeah, the way you talk about your ex is full of cues that, for the person on the other end of your diatribe, may mean "keep this date going" or "run like hell!". And truthfully, you never really know what word, story, tone of voice, or body language will be the straw that breaks the camel's back, so to speak.

If you've read this far, you're likely getting the idea that there is no real, "right" way to bring up your ex(es) on the first date - truth be told, it's a veritable minefield. But there is a right way to use those experiences to illustrate a point, teach your date a little something about you, learn something about your date, and get the answers you need answers (namely, are you exactly like my terrible ex or are you cool?). Keep reading, and we'll explain how you can turn a taboo subject into a learning tool.

If there's one thing we want you to take away from this article, it's this: In response to the question, "Should I bring up exes on the first date?", the answer is, "No, but you can talk about your past experiences, rather than specific exes". How do you do this exactly? Here's an example: rather than saying, "My jerk of an ex cheated on me with my best friend and now I don't trust anybody," try, "I've experienced infidelity in the past, so loyalty and honesty are two things I really cherish in my romantic relationships." Doesn't that sound better? It also takes the focus off your ex and your nasty feelings towards them and places it firmly on the subject at hand - the date and getting to understand what both parties are looking for long-term (or short-term, either way). Another example might be that rather than saying, "My last ex was the love of my life, but she moved to Australia and now I'm trying to get over her", say something like, "I've definitely experienced true love before, and I'm hoping to experience it again with someone who wants to share a life with me". Again, take the focus off of your feelings towards your ex and mores on the what the experience taught you about love and relationships.

No matter what happens, communication is key. Whether you slip up and mention your ex or your date asks you about them point blank, there's something to be said for being clear and honest. If you want to admit that you're still into them... err, why are you on a date? But, if that door is definitely closed for good, let it be known! Humans get so caught up in the subtleties of communicating (read: assumptions) sometimes that it can be hard to remember that it's as easy as saying the words out loud. Something as simple as, "I'm looking for X,Y,Z" "X, Y, or Z," being in a long-term relationship, a companion, or a sex romp is fine. Just be upfront about it.

One good thing about an ex is now you know unequivocally what you will and will no longer stand for. Boundaries are a great thing to set on first dates because, well, you know what they say: you teach others how to treat you. Have you been cheated on before? Let them know infidelity ain't gonna fly with you. Don't want them blowing up your phone at all hours of the day or night? Make that clear. Of course, this doesn't have to be heavy - dates are supposed to be fun! These are just good things to sprinkle into the conversation here and there (or in response to direct questions) to ensure that both parties are getting the most information out of the date before deciding if it's worth it to plan another one. After all, time is money!

The same thing goes for expectations. Long-distance not your thing? Let them know you're looking for someone you can count on seeing on a regular basis for the foreseeable future. Are you more traditional and expect them to do all the heavy-lifting when it comes to setting up dates? Tell them! It may not fly with them, but that's exactly why it's important to be upfront. We all have a "type" (for better or for worse), and we all have certain expectations we've grown used to when it comes to sex and dating. Our exes either helped us realize what we like or what we absolutely will not ever deal with again. So share this newfound wealth of knowledge and see if your new date seems compatible.

In the end, a date is a two-way street. So listening is key. Hopefully, you've done your part by not going off on how terrible all your exes were but rather explaining what you can and cannot handle in a new relationship. Don't make the mistake of getting so caught up in what it is you're saying that you aren't paying enough attention. What do they have to say about it? Are they even listening? Do they seem like they're telling you what you want to hear (side note: this is another reason why it's a bad idea to bring up exes on the first date - it gives predatory dates a blueprint for how not to act to suck you in... until it's too late)? Or do they seem like they're genuinely enjoying learning about you? These are all things to watch out for and which will, ultimately, let you know if the date is going smoothly or not. So go ahead, forget about your ex and move on to the next. Take that bad situation and learn from it and take those learnings to your (potentially) new relationship(s). Good luck on your date!

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