Dating is hard. And it sucks to think that because of a particular trait you may or may not have, it's even harder for you. Most of us have gone through a "dry spell" at some point or another and, during a particularly long one, it's easy to start drawing some conclusions.

Nobody wants to date me. I'm unlovable. I'll be single forever...

these are all common and often intrusive thoughts that, while somewhat normal to have, can definitely have a negative impact on one's self-esteem. Hopefully, by reading this article, you'll be able to gain some perspective and learn how to change your situation around.

Could it be that you're being too hard on yourself? Maybe there are some external factors making it hard for you to date. Maybe your dry spell has more to do with your social or geographical setting rather than anything to do with you personally. It might help to take a piece of paper and write down everything you currently have going on in your life: job, school, and other commitments, where you live, your surroundings, who your friends are and what they're doing in life - anything you could think of. You may be surprised to find that the answer to your dreaded question is buried somewhere in this list (what a relief!).

Maybe you simply work too many hours for dating to be feasible. Maybe you're outgrowing your social circle and, as a result, aren't really in a position to find, meet, and/or connect with any potential partners. Maybe you live in the boonies and only see, like, two actual people a day - who knows?

If this exercise doesn't put anything into perspective, try this: grab another sheet of paper and make two columns. One for what you would consider your best traits, and one for what you would consider your weaknesses. Full disclosure: your weaknesses don't necessarily make you undateable, but maybe this will give you an idea of some things you may want to work on (self-improvement is always recommended).

Now that you've completed a self-reflection exercise, how about asking your friends and family, straight up? Try to go beyond their initial responses of "OMG, you're crazy! Of course you're totally datable"! One way to frame this is by asking for feedback. Or ask point-blank questions like, "Do I give off any weird vibes", "Is there something that I do that may be off-putting to some people", or "If you didn't know me, would you date me"? Real friends should be able to give you the scoop.

Think of it as a focus group of sorts, but make it fun! Invite them over, order pizza and get some pointers while you're at it. Of course, it goes without saying: definitely don't ask these questions if you're not prepared to hear the response. The point of this advice is to boost your self-esteem because, ultimately, the more confident you are, the more likely you are to be able to score dates.

Sometimes, through no fault of our own, we're not exactly as approachable as we think we are. Ever heard of Resting Bitch Face? Not saying you have it, but it just goes to show that people judge us on our outward appearance more than, perhaps, we'd like. And sometimes, no matter how painstaking we are about our appearance, we give off external clues that, whether we feel that way or not, tell others, DO NOT APPROACH. Try being mindful the next time you're out and about. If you notice your lips are usually turned down into a slight frown, work on that (don't worry, we're not saying walk around with a full on smile, like a maniac). If you're normally anxious and tense, try keeping your body looking relaxed (even if you can't help what goes on inside your head). Make more eye contact, as opposed to keeping your eyes firmly planted on the ground. These are all quick fixes that are likely to make a world of difference (Warning: you'll notice sweet old ladies who need directions are much more likely to approach you).

Maybe you are able to get dates but they just... don't go anywhere. In that case, perhaps your self-reflection should start there. Are you saying or doing something that may be scaring off potential partners? Are you talking about your exes too much? Complaining too much? Come across as rude or standoffish? These are all things that would send most people running for the hills, regardless of how attractive you are. This is another way you can get your friends involved as well. Either by giving them the rundown and having them ask probing questions or having "practice" dates with them to see how they feel. It's important to be completely yourself (or at least the self you'd be on a date, anyway) so that they can get the full picture and give you the most accurate feedback.

We're not talking about standards here (everyone's standards should be high, in a real sense at least) but your expectations. What do you expect from others, whether on a date or in a relationship? We've mentioned boundaries and expectations before. It's important to relay these to any potential partners to ensure you're a good match. Far be it for us to say your expectations are unreasonable, but perhaps they're the reason your dating life has been stagnant so far. And if so, that OK! All that means is you'll have to do a bit more work and be a tad more patient. The result: a perfectly compatible partner! When it comes to actual dates, what are your expectations? Aside from the oft-argued "Should we or shouldn't we go dutch?" debate, are there any other expectations you can think of that may be surprising to your date? Think this through.

If you're still frustrated, one option is always therapy. Therapy is a perfectly normal and effective method of getting to the root of any problems or insecurities you may have. If you're worried you can't afford it, there are tons of apps and website that strive to make therapy and counselling more accessible to the masses. You should also check in with an HR representative at your place of employment to see what your options are (you'd be surprised). By the end of it, you may find the crux of your problem and decide you want to take some time to work on yourself after all. Or you may find that you're overthinking it and things will happen in due time. Either way, if your friends and family aren't able to sufficiently help you out (or you're not comfortable going to them for this sort of stuff), a therapist is a sure-fire way to at least understand what it is that you're feeling.

Regardless of what the issue may or may not be, remember that you're not alone. Millions of people are single and that's OK. Being single isn't a death sentence! In fact, all it means is more freedom! Freedom to move at your own schedule, freedom from drama or conflict (hopefully), and above all freedom to take control of every aspect of your life (to an extent). Why not join the veritable hordes of other singles (hey, you have that in common!) at singles events around your city? Don't frame it as a way to pick up dates, but as a way to get to know other people who are in similar stations in life. You'll find that you're a lot more relaxed once you take the pressure off of finding a mate and focus on making friends (all relationships have to start somewhere, after all!). Talk to other people in your position and ask them what their perspectives are. Do they feel the same way you do? Or are they loving the single life? If it's the latter, ask them why - you may find that you've been thinking about this all wrong and fellow singles are just the type of people to show you this for a fact.

Quit thinking this one hundred percent has to do with you and your "shortcomings". Being single doesn't necessarily mean "nobody wants to date you" and if, somehow, you find out that the latter is the case, you now have the tools to work on it. Nothing is wrong with noticing something about yourself that you can or should improve on and putting in the work to do so. That doesn't make you a failure or a bad person. It certainly doesn't make you unlovable! So shut out that negative voice in your head and replace it with positive thoughts. Quit telling yourself nobody wants to date you but rather, you haven't found that special someone yet and you will when the time is right. Quit telling yourself that there is anything wrong with you, but rather that you're a work in progress and are self-aware enough to know this. And finally, quit telling yourself that being in a relationship is some sort of goal you must achieve in order to be happy, but rather, find what it is about your life that you're happy about right now.

We can't stress this enough: never settle. Never settle. NEVER SETTLE. Settling simply because dating has become "too hard" will only make you more miserable, not less. Pretty soon, you'll be longing for the days in which you were single. Life is short: Don't waste precious weeks, months, or worse, years of your life with someone who isn't a good match, just because you think that that's the best you can do. False - the best you can do is loving yourself and being happy with your life, regardless of whether or not you're attached to someone else.

Are there other things you should be focused on right now? Of course there are! Self-improvement, taking care of family, getting that promotion at work, practicing your favorite hobby or finishing out the school year - these are all things on which your energy would be much better spent. On the scale of the most important things to the least important things in life, dating ranks lower than all of these things. That's not to say it's the LOWEST on life's totem pole - after all, it's only human nature to thrive off of intimate interaction with others. But love and relationships are definitely something that cannot - and should not - be rushed, no matter how badly you want it.

All in all, we hope, this article made you feel a little bit better about dating, but mostly about yourself. Everyone is deserving of love, and everyone, no matter who they are, is capable of finding it. Focus on you, and you'll find that a perfect somebody will just fall into your lap one day!

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