It's normal to mourn a relationship after it ends. After all, you've invested time, effort, money, and your heart into someone else for a period of time. It takes to recuperate emotionally and mentally and to get back into the groove of the life you once knew before you met them. All of that makes total sense, sure. Now what do you do if all of that emotional investment was one-sided and all in your head? There's a widely agreed upon time period for how long it should take to get over one's sex (about half the time or six to eight weeks). But does that calculation take into account an all-consuming crush? In this article, we hope to be able to walk you through how to get over someone you never dated in the first place.

Ok. So, you had a crush (or perhaps a "situation-ship" of some sort) and you finally realized it would never, could never work out. Don't let others diminish your feelings just because it wasn't an official relationship. We can't help who we fall in love with, so go for it - mourn. Treat it like a normal breakup if you really need to and gather the troops: Ben & Jerry's, Netflix, Wine, assorted snacks or other vices, your best friends - whatever you need. Take a few days (or weeks) to yourself to really process your emotions and let them all out. Talk it out, cry it out, smoke it out, drink it out, exercise it out, eat it out - we all deal with our problems differently and heartbreak is probably one of the worst experiences in the average dating person's life. In case you couldn't tell by the above paragraph - this is a judge-free zone!

That being said, keep things into perspective. You never dated this person, and in all likeliness, the feeling you were/are experiencing are more or less one-sided. So there is no point in trying to engage them in a long, drawn-out, drama and tear-filled "breakup". That's crazy. If you were involved in any way, you can absolutely explain to them (calmly, of course) that you will need some space from them for a while. It's up to you (and context) if you want/need to tell them the reasoning behind your decision. However, the worst thing you can do while going through this pain is to expect them to see it and help you through it, or even feel it themselves. Even if they're an outstandingly nice person and are able to sympathize with you, they can't really empathize with how you're feeling because the feelings weren't/aren't mutual. And really, once you hit that realization, it will only serve to make you feel worse, no matter how nice they're being.

Reminding yourself this relationship was one-sided also means reminding yourself that you likely put them and their feelings or needs above yours. Reminding yourself of this will go a long way towards bringing you back down to reality. That lack of reciprocity is exactly why the process of mourning should be that much shorter than had you both been involved in a real relationship.

One thing we tend to do when we have a crush on someone is romanticizing or glamorizing everything that they do. Not just the little, silly things we notice when we're lovestruck, like how the corner of their lip turns up when they make a joke or the way they smell. You may find yourself putting too much stock into their actions or reading too deeply into their words. This is harmful because after doing this for a period of time, you may begin to really believe that this person has done or said things to support you much like a true significant other might've done and that's... simply not true. And again, even if you were involved in some sort of situation-ship and they did a good job of acting like a boyfriend or girlfriend (but with none of the strings attached), you need to understand that was simply in the confines of the non-committed relationship you had with each other and not because they loved you so deeply as a person they would really do anything for you. In all likelihood, those actions were simply to make things run smoother, with little thought about specifically making you happy. Think of it like this: a man and a woman are friends with benefits and sometimes the woman will sleep over and wake up to breakfast the next day. The man is not making breakfast to woo the woman, but because a) he was making it anyway and b) it's the polite thing to do for someone who just slept over and that he'd, ostensibly, like to see again soon. See the difference? It's important to remember that, in the grand scheme of things, at best, they kept you comfortable and happy while you were around them, but they didn't necessarily improve (or at least purposely try to) your life on a major scale.

It's OK in times of need to ask for help. Once you're done mourning, it's OK to ask for the support of your friends and family. That may come in the form of keeping you distracted, being your 24/7 cheer-up squad, or accompanying you in places you feel you may bump into your former crush. Again, don't feel like, because this wasn't a real relationship per se, that you can't be bummed out. If that's how you feel, that's how you feel and there's no shame in that. By this point, it will also be good to hear their perspective on things. Was the crush truly one-sided? Were you being taken advantage of? As outsiders, it would be good to know what their opinion of the whole situation is and using that information to further ground yourself back down to reality.

If you feel that you need more help than what your friends and family can give, therapy is always a great option. If you don't think you can afford it, Google apps and other sites that make therapy more accessible to everyone. If you have a job, be sure to check in with an HR representative who will be able to tell you what your options are, either in terms of insurance or an Employee Assistance Program. This may seem like an extreme option but plenty of people seek counseling for things that you yourself may consider menial. They are there to help you and if you don't have a close-knit support system, therapists are a great option and a surefire way to understand exactly what it is that you're feeling, and why you're thinking it.

Now that you've had time to mourn, and have received some help from your loved ones (and perhaps even a professional or two), it's time for a reset. What we mean by that is recharge your proverbial batteries: get back to the life you had before your heartbreak or start fresh with a change of scenery or pace. By now you should be realizing that everything is going to be A-OK and that life goes on. Thrust yourself into your favorite hobbies, school projects, work, or whatever it is that kept you busy before your little, ahem, distraction.

A funny piece of advice some people go by is that, "in order to get over someone, you must get under someone else" (get it?). That may work for some, but we find that a healthier approach is to take a break. Mentally, try to stop thinking about this past event and focus on what really matters - yourself. Physically, take as long as you need and certainly DO NOT rush into dating (or crushing on anyone) until you're good and ready. The reason we're so adamant about this is because too many people try to distract themselves from one problem by diving head first into another one. But in reality, the only thing that accomplishes is spinning you 360 degrees and landing you right back where you started, with barely any time to process what happened in the first place. You might get skittish, you might even get bored, but trust us when we say: you need a break. So sit back, relax, take a vacation, and if you need to dive head first into anything, make it a pool, an ocean, work, or a Netflix marathon.

Of course, once you are ready to get back out there, maybe try to focus on pursuing an actual, two-way-street, mutually beneficial (and we're not just talking sexy time) relationship. We get it, some people crush easily. But it's important not to let those crushes become completely intoxicating. And when it comes to non-committed relationship, there really is no way for those to go on long-term without either party feeling slighted in the end. Focus on being happy, healed, and single. Then focus on pursuing a healthy and loving relationship. It's the only way to go, believe us!

If nothing else, this should serve as a learning experience. In our experience, relationships that lack reciprocity, while terrible for the most part, usually teach you a lot about what you want, and most importantly, what you need from a relationship (namely, whether you'd prefer it to be committed/exclusive/monogamous or not). We're not saying you can never have a crush on someone ever again, far from it, and we understand that you can't help who you fall in love with, regardless if it's requited or not but you'd be remiss not to take this situation and try to learn from it. At the very least, understand you boundaries, when it's time for you to back out, speak up, or perhaps even make your move! More often than not, we focus on what we can do to make our partners happier. Take this time to think about how, in the future, your significant other can make you happy.

Hopefully, by now, your heart has at least mostly mended and you have your sights set on a happy relationship (or happy single-dom!) in the near future. Take the steps we've laid out in this article, such as: letting yourself mourn, wholly and completely; reminding yourself of the true facts of the relationship; taking stock of how the relationship impacted you (or didn't); asking for emotional support from friends, family, and a professional, if needed; taking the time to recharge and get back to your old life; taking a break from the pressures of dating; focusing on finding a real relationship, and, above all; learning from your past mistakes. Apply these to your life - whether you're trying to get over someone you never dated or going through an actual breakup from a real relationship - go forth, and prosper!

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