You can enjoy sex after an abusive relationship, if you deal with the damage that it has done to you over the years. You should first come to grips with your feeling about the experience. You should deal with your fears by seeking counseling or therapy so you can be able to detect the symptoms and find a solution.

In an abusive relationship, you may have developed hatred for your body and for sex. Therapy can help you to work through this. Avoid being exposed to people who remind you of the unhealthy experience you had and may reinforce the feelings you are struggling with.

Change your attitude about sex, if you can and find ways to develop intimacy first with yourself and with someone else that you meet, but make sure you take it slow and do no rush into it right away. Try to identify the things that will trigger any feelings of insecurity.

At first, you should indulge in sexual activity that does not make you feel uncomfortable. So, start with kissing and once you feel comfortable about this activity, move on to fondling until you can be more comfortable with the actual sex act.

It is unfortunate that sex might have a dark side, especially in an abusive relationship. It is also unfortunate that human beings have the capability of hurting and abusing each other, but it happens every day, even with people who proclaim that they are in love. It is even worse when the abuse happens frequently and the person feels trapped. You can survive an abusive relationship and still have a good relationship and good sex. Any degree of sexual abuse is wrong and has the potential of dramatically affecting someone's sex life.

When sexually abused, you might begin to feel insecure and your self esteem might get to an all-time low. You might have a feeling of disconnection as it relates to your body and even your mind. In fact, it can hamper your desire to have any interest in sex.

Before you can enjoy the semantics in bed with someone, you have to reaffirm the fact that you did nothing wrong in the abusive relationship and that you did not deserve it. You have to consider this an unfortunate incident; one that you don't want to and will never repeat. As soon as you see any signs or symptoms of abuse, you will steer clear of it and steer clear of anyone who brings that to the forefront. You also need to assert yourself to be someone who does not let experiences prevent you from moving on. If you are a woman who has been abused, it is best that you try to hang around with the opposite sex as much as you can; just so you can feel comfortable once again. Once you become comfortable with the other gender, you will be able to move from being friends and associates to more intimacy with someone special where sex is a given.

If you find yourself choosing isolation over engaging in meaningful relationships, whether platonic or romantic, you have not healed from the abusive experience. Your responsibility then is to find a way to develop human affection and trust again. You might need the help of family members. If your reaction against the opposite sex is negative and you cannot see past your experience, then you are going to need a lot of help to get back to normalcy. One way to do this is to embrace 'your truth' first and foremost. Next, connect with a friend that you trust and plan various types of outings so you can re-familiarize yourself with the opposite sex in a positive manner. Now, you are ready to take the next step, which is going on a date.

Your sexual attitude might be severely impacted, so much so that it might take a lot of counseling or therapy to get back on track. Lucky for you even when you are not at the point of actively engaging in sex yet, as time passes; the sexual symptoms will continue to diminish. You might not want to have sex with anyone yet until you are fully in tune with your body again, but in the meantime, you can find other ways to be intimate with someone by starting to date again, but taking it slowly. Plan a date or let one of your girlfriends set you up. Go to a public place where you will be among other people so you don't feel intimidated or so that you don't have any of those triggers related to your past abuse. Stay away from topics related to sex and past relationships during your date. Once you warm up to the other person and feel comfortable being around that person, you could consider another date. If you end up having a connection and you have gone on four or five dates, you could consider kissing and being intimate without indulging in the actual act of sex. If he or she turns you on and you both have an obvious desire for each other, then that is when you can move from foreplay to consensual sex.

Now, it is time to confront the symptoms that are common to your past situation. A counselor will help you to identify these symptoms or you can do it alone. No one knows more about what you went through, but YOU! So, be honest with yourself and ask yourself questions that will tell if you are doing all you can to avoid having sex or being afraid to do so. Do you consider it to be an obligation? Do you experience feelings of anger, guilt or disgust when someone touches you? Are you worried about having a hard time being aroused or having feelings of sensation? Do you have feelings of being distant when you are around the opposite sex? Do you experience disturbing or invasive images about your past sexual experience? Do you find yourself being engaged in promiscuity? Are you frustrated about not being able to have intimate relationships? Do you have difficulty with reaching an orgasm? Your specific symptoms are essential to your healing. When you know the symptoms, though, it will give you the tools that you will need to once again be comfortable about sex. This is how you are able to address it.

Before you give your body to another man, it would be helpful to use a vibrator to become more acquainted with your own body. You will get to know your sweet spots and know what you can handle in terms of specific sexual acts. If you have never tried 'anal sex,' for example, you could experiment with your vibrator. If you have never masturbated, now is the time to begin doing it so you can detect exactly what turns you on and what doesn't. When you conduct this experiment, it will give you more power to handle sex with a man or woman, despite your experience.

Another way you can do this is to watch porn videos with someone you have hooked up with. The porn videos will break the ice and it will also allow you to see the fact that sex is just all about fun and not to be taken with a bad attitude, but just for enjoyment. Another thing is that the porn videos will definitely turn you on and make you want to indulge in a sexual encounter, especially, if you like the person with whom you are watching those porn videos. Before the porn movie ends, you will both be in the sack having hot, steamy and juicy sex with the actors in the movie moaning and groaning in the background while you are doing the same thing.

Set up an intimate dinner at home and invite a love interest over. You can choose to watch television after dinner, but that is too boring. If you want to get back 'your mojo' and you are up to some excitement, there are so many things you can do. If you have a Jacuzzi in your house or swimming pool in your backyard, then that is where you could end up. Getting boned in a pool of water is the best way to enjoy the activity. You should incorporate foreplay so you can move slowly into the ultimate action. Creativity means that you could live out certain fantasies you have always wanted to carry out, but was not able to do because of fear and insecurity. Planning a creative way to enjoy someone's body is a great way to get past your abusive past.

You could plan a weekend getaway so that you are no longer in a familiar city where your abusive incident took place. The weekend getaway could be a cruise, which is highly recommended since it will put you in the mood to have fun, especially, if you have never done something like that before. If you do not live near a shipping port, then this might not work for a weekend, but for a week long cruise, if you both have the time. When you go on a cruise, leave all your hurts, pain and inhibitions out the door. Let your guard down and have fun. You can have sex anywhere in the ship; on the deck, in the room, in the swimming pool, in the Jacuzzi and almost anywhere you can find privacy. Do whatever you want to do. Get intoxicated and crazy. Act like you are a teenager. Live in the moment and have something memorable to take away with you.

As soon as you are confident with where you are in the healing process and you have come to terms that you had an experience that was unfortunate, but which you have learned from, it is time to invite someone into your life, even if it is just for a one night hookup. Yes, a one night stand might be what you need to give you more confidence to have a lasting and happy relationship; once and for all. Set up your one night stand where you are in control, which means that you will be in charge of selecting the right place (not your home) and you will be able to decide the time and date of meeting as well as the condition upon which you will meet.

If you are still wary about having sex with someone after you have been in an abusive relationship, then it is time to educate yourself by reading books, conducting research, talking to people and going to workshops. Make sure that your education includes how to get back control of your life and how to make sure your desires are significant. Learn about how to put yourself in a safe environment at all times. This might help you get to the underlying problems and start having meaningful relationship. While educating yourself, you should still maintain a decent social life. This might sound cheesy, but let's say that you are reading a book about sexual abuse, for example, get naked. Yes, we said get naked. While you are reading you will be conscious of your nudity and earn to accept it. An added scenario that could help you is sitting naked while reading your book and have a lover in the next room waiting for you to some on in. This will heighten the anticipation for both of you and it is possible that you won't be even able to concentrate on the book you are trying to read. This is a good thing because it means that your mind is more on sex than on the book. That is how you know you are closer to healing than you think.

During sexual intercourse, take control and become the aggressor. Being in control is important to your confidence and healing. Being in control also means that you will initiate the sex and you will be the one calling the shots. You will choose the position and being on top is essentially the best way to start. You will make the ground rules of what will happen and what won't happen during the sexual exchange. However, before you do all of this, be sure to discuss it with your partner for a mutual agreement. If you have to give an explanation, be concise about it. Learn the ways that you can actually enjoy sex even after you have been in an abusive relationship. There are ways that you can feel comfortable again.

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