To be honest, dating is hard no matter which way you look at it. Think about it: you have to put yourself out there, often way past your comfort zone and sell yourself to another person, all with the added pressure of (hopefully) being physically attracted to them and hoping that, at the very least, the feeling is mutual. When we put it that way, spending the rest of your life with a fluffy cat (or two; or five) starts to sound a lot less crazy, does it not? Jokes aside, try not to be discouraged. Every single one of us not currently in a happy and loving relationship is struggling with the current state of affairs. That's why, in the article, we take a look at some things that may be contributing factors, as well as what we may be able to do to make it easier for everyone involved.

Can dating still be called dating if we don't even go on dates anymore? True question. It seems that more and more people are wondering if there's even a point in putting in the effort, time, and money that goes into a date if the end goal isn't necessarily, well, a relationship. As ironic as it sounds, nowadays, you're more likely to fall into a relationship after a series of non-committal hookups than after three to five dates. Some think it's a shame, others think it's just love and relationships evolving with the times. Netflix and Chill has become shorthand for a "chill hangout sesh", wherein both parties settle in for a night of binge-watching their favorite shows... and more (wine, food, comfy clothes, and a couch or bed - you do the math). If nothing else, Netflix and Chill has made its way into the zeitgeist simply for the fact that it's the new, non-committal, inarguably more relaxed method of dating.

But what happens when you get stuck in a loop of endless Netflix and Chill? For many, this is bad news. Why? Because one party is constantly waiting for the relationship to evolve, while the other doesn't see any reason not to keep doing what they're doing (after all, they're perfectly satisfied). Hence the term, Situation-ship. A Situation-ship is an ill-defined relationship wherein neither party claims each other as a significant other but are living under the assumption that they will continue to be friends (with benefits!) - exclusively .

Now, you may be thinking, "If two people are so committed to being not-so-committed, why not just commit already"? Trust us, we're with you. But, as with all things related to love and relationships... it's complicated. Maybe one party has some baggage they need to handle before they can settle down. Maybe both parties are simply testing the waters. Nevertheless, you've likely seen a major uptick in these types of are they/aren't they relationships and all signs point to this trend not going away any time soon.

Think about your daily routine: you wake up and check Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, and probably one or two other social media accounts. You get your news, order food, keep in contact with others, read, do research, perhaps even work through your phone. And everything you could ever need is at the tip of your fingers, accessible by either a tap or a quick swipe. Forget Tinder and other dating apps for a second: think about how many people you see on your daily commute or errands that pique your interest - now times that by one hundred. When it comes to potential love interests, we face a constant barrage of choices. From the streets, to your follower/following count on social media, you probably see an average of dozens of people a day you would consider dating and, what's even more incredible - that you can get in touch with! It used to be that we had to take our chances and approach strangers on the street or, if they were kind enough, our friends would introduce us to associates of theirs. Today, you can come across a random social media profile and, with the tap of a button, slide into those DMs.

Now, take the points above and compound that by the fact that dating apps have added yet another avenue for us to meet and connect with potential partners, all without leaving the comfort of our own homes. It's become second-nature for many of us to aimlessly scroll through Tinder much like we'd scroll through Twitter. And thanks to the very nature of social media and dating apps, we have full control of our own personal narrative. We decide how we present ourselves to the world, we decide who we're interested in and want to get into contact with, and we decide who we're not interested in and who we can ignore. The only choice we don't have in the matter is whether or not the person we've reached out to will reply back (and trust us, that's a good thing!).

Technology has spoiled us in many ways and permeates throughout just about every aspect of our lives. Unfortunately, as a result, we've become desensitized and that feeling of invincibility? Is a front. We can have all the choices in the world, but we can't make anyone like us no matter how badly we want them to. Which brings us back to our original question: why on earth is dating so damn hard?!

For one, be easy on yourself. Understand that in this day and age, we can't really take anything personally, which is, of course, difficult because we're talking about matters of the heart, here. But to put it into perspective, apps have become so ubiquitous that most people are using them in their downtime, in between other tasks, and are hardly putting one hundred percent of their attention towards them. Once you understand this, you'll be able to remove yourself from the feeling or idea that you're constantly getting rejected or that there's no one out there for you. At the end of the day, lines of code are doing the grunt work and you're relying on very little information about each person in order to make a decision on whether or not you'd like to date them. It's just not sustainable. So, all of those happy endings? The couple who met on Plenty of Fish and got married months later and have been together ever since? Sheer luck and happenstance. Technology makes us feel invincible but really, there are some things that will always remain outside of our control.

Something that is within your control, however, is getting out there and making real connections with real people - not just those behind a screen. It's annoying to hear but the best advice when it comes to dating really is just getting out there, finding a hobby and meeting other like-minded people you already have some common ground with. It's not fail-proof, but it works (and can be a lot less demoralizing than endless swiping, if we may add). One thing we take for granted nowadays is how much we're able to learn from each other just through face-to-face contact. Things like body language, chemistry, and being able to hear someone's tone in person rather than trying to decipher it via text are all a HUGE help when you're trying to get to know someone and figure out if they're a match. And the only way to take advantage of those things is through a real, live date.

Regardless of whether you go the traditional route, stick to Netflix and Chill, or continue to rely on apps, one thing is an absolute must: communication. One of the biggest pitfalls of dating - whether you're still looking, or are already involved - is a lack of communication. There's a myriad of reasons why people are sometimes bad at communication but - and we can't stress this enough - the more you communicate, the better things will be in the long run. So, whether that's in person on a first date, regular check-ins with your Situation-ship, or lengthy chats online before you agree to meet in person, communicating will only benefit you both. And please, don't EVER feel as though you'd only be putting/turning the other person off simply by expressing yourself. They should be appreciative of your cantor, and if they aren't, kick them to the curb!

Part of being a good communicator is understanding your boundaries and expectations and making them clear to a potential partner upfront. If they're not OK with them, that's fine! It wouldn't have worked in the long-term anyway! If they say they're OK with them and really aren't (or thought they would be OK but realized later on that wasn't the case), sure, that's a bummer, but at least you know you were truthful from the start and didn't lead them on. Never assume you're on the same page with a potential or new partner. Talk! Talk long and hard about what you both envision your relationship to be like, what your goals are, your limits, and anything else that would make you BOTH comfortable moving forward. Trust us, it's for the best!

If you still find yourself having a rough go at things, remember: never settle! Much like not communicating your needs, simply settling because dating is "too hard" or "there's no one more suitable out there" will only serve to make you miserable. Don't waste days/weeks/months/years of your life with someone who isn't compatible out of fear of being alone. Being single is not a death sentence! As a fully actualized human, there is so much more to focus on and enjoy! And like we mentioned above - there's still the option of pets! And if you aren't sure, there's nothing wrong with dating around until you're able to understand what it is you want and need. Everyone does it and it's a completely normal part of the dating process.

Nothing is stopping you from simply... taking a break. Dating isn't a zero-sum game. You don't have to keep searching until you find a partner, and then once that ends, start the search all over again (and so on and so forth). Take some time to focus on yourself. Improve, learn, grow. Most of all, learn to love yourself and be comfortable with yourself and yourself only. Ultimately, that's the best place to be before you pursue a relationship anyway, because you aren't relying on someone else to fill any voids you may feel you have in your life.

Hopefully, this article made you feel a little bit better about the dating landscape. Trust us, wherever you are in the world, it's hard out here in these streets! For everyone! So don't be hard on yourself, focus on what matters, and pretty soon you'll suddenly find yourself in a happy and loving relationship.

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